To commemorate the end of our nightly Twin Peaks ritual, and to honor the spirit of Agent Dale Cooper, I decided to make my first pie. Ever.
Cherry pie seemed like a no brainer, but SBJ’s favorite is apple. And let’s face it, he’s probably gonna eat the majority of it.
I found an old fashioned apple pie recipe to make from scratch (you know that’s how I roll). The recipe was simple enough, but I didn’t really have many of the necessary kitchen tools, including the essential PIE PAN. So, I improvised with a pre-made graham cracker crust foil pan from Fresh and Easy and just aced out the graham cracker crust (red flag number 1?).
The recipe called for a 9” pan, but I’m thinking this flimsy foil thing was a few inches short of that because the 3 pounds of apples I skinned, sliced and cored were mounted so high i could barely squeeze it between the two oven racks (red flag number 2).
Once I had this behemoth of a pie in the oven, I gave myself a little pat on the back…prematurely. I quickly realized that I had forgotten to brush on the beaten egg over the top crust (you know for goldening and better baking). Lulz. Of course I pulled the pie out halfway and did my best to half-ass some brushed egg on top. If nothing else, this pie was going to be golden (in color).
One tihngs after another, smoke started to emanate from the top of the stove (flag number 3)! I should have been more alarmed than I was, but I just assumed it was some old food or something?
Thirty seconds later, the entire apartment was filled with smoke. Now I’m in trouble. Try not to panic, it’s just a stupid pie? I opened the kitchen door and then bravely lowered the oven door to find a huge chunk of the overflowing top crust broken off and sizzling on the bottom of a 425 degree oven. Geez louise.
I scooped it out with a spatula then placed the pie on top of some sort of tray thingy — simultaneously reach for my phone to warn SBJ. Before I could text “smoke,” he walked into the kitchen through a cloud of smoke. Ooopsy?
After 15 minutes of complete chaos, yeah, only 15 minutes, I lowered the oven temp to 350 for the remaining 40-50 minutes as the recipe instructed.
Eff that cloud of smoke and Bob for taking over agent cooper’s body.